Dualism

Haha, again, Swanson wanted a blog post so he's getting one. :)

This particular topic has been on my mind since about...midway through this past semester. It's kinda crazy how my life worked out this past semester because my classes lined up PERFECTLY and were exactly what I needed to hear/learn. I took a Student Development class because I needed 2 more credits and I thought it would be helpful. Its focus was life planning and decision-making. At the start of the class, I had no clue what my "ideal life plan" was nor did I think I was that good at making decisions.  But this class helped me more in my personal day-to-day life than any class I’ve taken at BYU.

Anyway, life got busy and I made a list of all these possible blog post options, back when I would use my blog as an escape for my thoughts. I revisit one of the topics I wanted to write about awhile ago.

In my Student Development class, we talked about this study done by a guy named William Perry. His research, "Forms of Ethical and Intellectual Development in the College Years," talks about four stages that college students go through. The four stages Perry identifies are "dualism," "multiplicity," "relativism," and "commitment." 

Quick definitions: 

Dualism = black/white; right/wrong.

Multiplicity = differences recognized; everyone's opinion is equal

Relativism = truth depends on evidence; context matters

Commitment = faced with reality, choices are made.

The theory goes that through every year of college, students leave the dualistic way of thinking and begin to make commitments and life changing permanent decisions.

However, in my "professional opinion" (that was sarcasm), I think some people don't grow into these stages and stay dualistic for most of their life. Maybe I can't judge that right now, seeing as I only deal with sophomores in college everyday but I think that some of these sophomores I know right now will not grow up. Let me explain. 

I think we all know those people who just can't compromise. It's not in their nature. They are literally so stuck in their ways that it's their way or no way. I’ve worked with people like this on school projects and I’ve found that it’s better not to speak up; just let them voice their opinion as loudly as they want and not argue.  William Perry would classify these people as “dualistic.” In the past few months, I have found myself interacting with dualistic people like this on a daily basis.  And I’m not saying it’s bad thing.  It’s great to stick to your guts and not back down.  But there are some things that can be compromised.  Everyone has good ideas.  It doesn’t always have to be your way or no way.  In addition, these dualistic people don’t always listen when you’re talking.  Is there anything more frustrating than spending 15 minutes explaining or discussing something and realizing that the person you’re talking to hasn’t said a thing in return and is clearly off in their own world? Okay, maybe there are things that are more frustrating but to me, this bugs me to pieces. I think it's because when I ask how someone is, I honestly want to know and listen.  I have many phone conversations where someone explains their problem and goes through a step by step discussion of events that led to this problem and I listen.  Then, I take control and try to give advice.  But when a dualistic person is involved a conversation similar to the one described, they tend to take the topic right back to them.  It can be something simple such as a person saying, “Oh, I had such a good workout today!” and then the dualistic individual saying, “I really need to workout, I ate chocolate cake today.” 

 

And I don't think I'm perfect.  I just don't see myself as dualistic.  In my own mind, I tend to weigh out all the possibilities before I make a judgment.  I try to see all sides or try to figure out why someone acts a certain way.  But I think I can be dualistic when it comes to some things and I think it's important to stick to your beliefs.  My main point of this blog post is don’t be dualistic! Simple as that.  Instead of seeing the world in black and white, look for the shades of grey and maybe blue or purple.  Next time someone is talking to you, instead of thinking about yourself, take the time to listen…and really listen….and listen again…and again.  It can help, I really think it can. 

“So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things.”

—	Morrie Schwartz

A Little CHIRSTmas Cheer

It's been a rough couple of weeks. And I've haven't been as happy as I should have. I haven't been as service orientated as one should be during Christmas.

When did I figure all this out? Funny you should ask.

Last Saturday, the train was finished and it was the "preview day." The train now runs from Salt Lake to Provo, quite nice if you don't have a car and have to rely on public transportation. Kevin and Julia (my aunt and uncle in Lehi) asked if I wanted to join them on the train preview day to go up to SLC and see Temple Square lights. I wasn't about to pass up an opportunity to see them or temple square lights, so I agreed. What I did not know was everyone and their DOG wanted to take the train! So I got to the train station at 3, to be on the train at 3:30 and didn't get on the train till about 5. And, of course, it was freezing cold with WIND. So here's a picture of me and my excitement...

Anyway, I got on the train, met up with my uncle Kevin and my 3 little cousins on an overpacked, warm, train to SLC. Julia decided to drive, just in case the train going back was as overcrowded as going up. She picked us up and we headed to Temple Square.

First of all, City Creek? Beautiful. I love the church, haha. It's a great shopping center and so nice, especially at Christmas time! We crossed the street in the light SNOW and headed over to the temple. We went around by the viewing pond, took some pictures, and then walked to the side of the temple. I took a picture of Kevin and Julia, then asked them to take a picture of me on my phone.

As I was studying the picture on my phone, my back was to the current flow of traffic when someone tapped me on my shoulder. I turned around, expecting someone to ask me to move. Instead I was handed a white envelope and heard "Merry Christmas," from a blonde woman pushing a stroller.

I opened it up and it was a simple card that said "JOY" with $20 inside. I was really kind of shocked. My initial reaction was to ask my aunt if I looked like I was homeless, or a poor college student and my uncle said it's probably just a tradition in their family to hand out cards to people at Temple Square.

My soul was touched. A tear fell down my face. It was such a simple gift, an act of kindness, and in all honestly I don't need $20. My parents help me out with college, and I feel extremely grateful and blessed for that. So why did this happen to me?

If you haven't been involved in my life in the past few weeks, it's been finals and I've had a really rough time on top of that, with drama and the possibility of one of my dear friends not coming back to school. It's been HARD. After this experience, I realized I was going about things all the wrong way. I was relying on friends and family and I'd rant, rave, and was just super unhappy with everything. After this experience, I knew I needed to rely on my Savior and his Atonement. I knew He has felt everything I have been going through. I started praying and received a blessing from my awesome home teacher/FHE dad. Everything that has happened since has run smoothly. And if it hasn't, I've felt calm.
I realized through this simple Christmas gift from a complete stranger, that Christmas is way more than presents and gifts. It's the Spirit of Christ and a reminder that He is my Savior.

Merry Christmas to all. And may we remember the true spirit of CHRISTmas.

A Missionary Experience

WOW, it's been awhile since I've posted, as Swanson pointed out to me! And I had an awesome Saturday night that I had to post about.

For those of you who don't know, Provo has this awesome place called the MTC, or missionary training center. It's right across the street from the Provo Temple and it's the place you go for a few weeks to learn how to teach the gospel and possibly a language, if you go on a foreign speaking mission.

MTC!

Anyway, about two weeks ago, my roommates started volunteering at the TRC, aka Teaching Resource Center. They go in and roll play with missionaries so the missionaries can get experience before they are out in the field.
On Saturday, I asked if I could tag along and our whole apartment went! It was crazy cool to walk into the MTC cause it kinda felt like we were breaking the rules...and I was super giggly because I had been in the library for 5 hours with Lydia...so I was brain dead!
Anyway, we all went in and met for a prayer meeting, sang a Christmas hymn and got directions on where to go. Then, we went to another building and there were MISSIONARIES everywhere! And you see, we've had experiences with the missionaries when we go to the temple and they don't talk to us. I don't blame them, but they act like we're not there and it's funny cause we never know if we're suppose to say hi or ignore them as well.
Well, apparently, when you're in the MTC, all the elders say HI or how's it going Sisters? I was like....hello....I don't think I'm suppose to talk to you!!!
Anyway, so Whit and I were together and basically you decide how it's going to go-who's going to be the investigator, what your story is, etc. So we're sitting in this little tiny room, 6 feet by 6 feet, with 4 people. CRAZY SMALL. So the elders came in and Whitney and I decided we had live in Utah all our lives went to UVU and had a lot of Mormon friends but weren't members.  We said we were just interested in learning more. The elders started teaching us and bearing their testimonies of the truthfulness of the gospel.  In this tiny little room, I felt the Spirit so strongly, it almost brought tears to my eyes. They asked about our family situation and my curiosity got the best of me so I said my parents were divorced. One of the elders began to bear his testimony about how through the Atonement, Christ had suffered for me and my sins and felt the pain I had gone through. I really felt the Spirit so strong from these two fresh on their mission elders. Their testimonies strengthened mine so much. At the end of the lesson, one of the elders said that they weren't sure if they could teach us our second lesson but that he could go find us a Book of Mormon right now if we were interested! The Spirit was so strong in that little room and I couldn't deny the fact that the Church is true.

 Also, for those of you who do not know, the missionary age changed in October.  Now, boys can serve when they are 18 and graduated from high school and girls can serve when they are 19. It caused quite a commotion, especially because I was about to turn 19 and most of my roommates and friends are about that age. Suddenly, girls everywhere were posting on Facebook that they were going to leave and friends and family were texting me and asking me if I was going to serve. If I'm being honest, I never thought about serving a mission because, in my perfect life, I thought I would be married by 21 (scary thought, as I'm nearly that age!). I've felt every pressure from everyone to serve a mission and I was one of those girls who shied away from the conversation and never said a word when the missionary age was brought up. After lots of fasting, prayer and temple attendance, I have gotten the answer not to serve a mission...right now. It's been hard, as 3 of my roommates are going to leave and many of my friends are...and I want to. I'd love to give 18 months of my life to the Lord but right now, I feel like it's not for me. I hope to serve one day, whether as a couple missionary or in a year from now, but for now, I think I will stick to sharing the gospel through my testimony and helping out at the TRC. I know this gospel is true and that it brings so much happiness to me. I can't imagine my life without it. I know Christ is my personal Savior and that He suffered for my sins. I know that through the Atonement of Christ I can be made whole and be clean again. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.