"Count Your Many Blessings, See What God has Done."

First, an update of my life is coming...eventually. I was actually going to finish my Halloween post, and talk about this past weekend and then I went to Sociology 111. I've been having a very thought provoking week I suppose so I just really need to sort out my mind...so here we go.

I guess this all started a week ago. In my favorite class, Student Development, we started talking about an "end of the semester" project. The task was simple-figure out an area of your life you want to change, be sure you can measure your success and do it. See what works and what doesn't and change something! I got all gung ho about it and was going to exercise more, sleep right, and eat healthier.  I talked to members of my group and one of the girls expressed wanting to be better about the little things; prayers, scriptures, temple attendance, etc. This expression of being better spiritually was on my mind a lot. I wasn't able to start my "healthiness" project because, haha, my health was failing this past week. So I decided to try to make goals about doing the little things.  This in turn lead to a very interesting conversation with one of my roommates about how we both feel inadequate because we're suppose to be getting an education, increasing our skill set, making friends, finding a husband and OH YEAH, make sure to keep serving, be kind to those around you, and be perfect. Ha.

As I thought more about that, Sunday came around. I feel like every Sunday is refreshing way to start over-it's the first day of the week and I can focus on my individual spirituality for at least 3 hours.  It's a way to keep myself in check and make sure I'm living my life the way I want to. We "class hopped" on Sunday and ended up going to a different Sunday School class. It wasn't a complete immersion of the scriptures-instead, it ended up being a lot of mission stories about how simple changes in every day life can change a whole person. I guess I knew that, but the way the teacher presented it, it felt mind-blowing. I decided right then and there, I was going to read the Book of Mormon and pray every day, finally building a better relationship with my Heavenly Father. So far, so good.

Well, I ended up going over to the Riv for dinner, a Disney movie, and good company. On my walk home with Cortney, we ended up getting into our "deep" discussions that normally turn into an analytically discussion of the people around us or different life circumstances that make a person who he is today. They happen to be the very best conversations, as I learn a lot from Cortney. We started talking about different women we know and I made the comment that the female mind is very likely to belittle herself and her worth.  As we've talked about in sociology (and history, interestingly enough), the "housewife" has a rough time living day to day, cooking, cleaning and taking care of everyone in the house. So what does she do? She needs to prove to the world her worth and takes on more than she can handle.


SO...stay with me here, cause I'm getting to my point....with all this in mind, I attended my normal two sociology classes. In all honesty, I don't love my second class. I am exhausted today and I was thought to myself as she loaded up another documentary, "great another hour of wasted time" and considered getting up and going to the library. But I stayed. And I'm so glad I did.

We watched a documentary that followed four families through their daily life--their life meaning being in poverty. One of the families was a divorcee who was working as a waitress, another was a single mother with 6 kids, working low wages and unable to give her kids a good Christmas. The documentary showed that there are people at the poverty line who are trying everything in their power to get out of poverty (attending school, working as many jobs as possible, etc.) and just can't.

As I watched, my professor suddenly went out of the room and we heard crying coming from her microphone. Being the sympathetic crier that I am and realizing just how good of a life I have, I started crying too. At the end of the documentary, our professor explained to us that the crying we had heard was a student. My professor helped her out of the room, as the girl couldn't hold back her emotions because she had grown up in a single-mom household and had experienced that life first hand. The girl told my professor that, she got out and is here at BYU and my professor in turn told us that the reason she shows these documentaries is to help us feel the need to give back and not pass judgments on those around us who are less fortunate. My professor went on to explain with this "video-game" analogy. Many of us are blessed and able to "play" life on "the easy level." But, there are many more who are struggling and sometimes, we may not realize that those around us are on "level hard." I again started crying. I am so blessed and I don't take enough time to realize that.

At the end of class and for the past 40 something minutes, my mind has been racing. My question is...do you ever just feel completely inadequate? I do. We've been given SO much and at times, I think we forget that. I'm just one girl, so I can't change the world on my own. As Carrie Underwood sings, "or do you tell yourself: 'you're just a fool, just a fool to believe you can change the world'...the world's so big, it can break your heart and you just want to help, not sure where to start. So you close your eyes and send up a prayer..." For the past hour, I have searched my life. What am I doing to give back? What *can* I do to give back? Maybe I just need to be happy. Maybe I just need to raise a family and continue to strive to be good. I'm just one girl...but maybe with determination and the love for mankind, I can make a difference. 

"Count your many blessings, name them one by one. Count your many blessings, seen what God has done."