"All my songs shall be Nearer my God to Thee"

My heart is full of joy today. Sundays tend to do that to you, especially as you make time to reflect upon the recent week and to reflect on the things that really matter in life.

It's been an interesting year. I remember last semester, I was thinking "life is hard!" I was struggling with grades, relationships, and my own testimony.  There were days I just didn't feel like smiling and other days where I should have been happy, surrounding by people who love me but I just couldn't bring myself to smile. Then, being with my family over Christmas break, I realized that family is what really matters most. I was happy again...and didn't want to come back up to school where I felt alone and uneasy at being on my own.

Then, my life changed. In the matter of seconds, I had to be strong. I had to put on a smile. I had to look like I was okay. In the hospital and the moments before being admitted to the ER, I was scared. I know I went into shock so I wasn't thinking logically nor being strong. But a trip to the ER can do a lot for you. It was a long one too. I was in the back of that ambulance, tied to the board, for at least 30 minutes, maybe longer. I did a lot of thinking there. I was tired but my mind was awake. A lot of soul searching. Prayers. And in the days to come, I began to believe that this was suppose to happen to me.

I got a blessing that night in the hotel. The few things I do remember I hold onto every day.
1. You will make a full recovery.
2. Your schoolwork will not be affected.
3. Rely on Christ to help you.

That last one got to me. At this point in my life, I had felt alone for too many days and nights. I needed someone by my side and sadly, my friends in this mortal life weren't making the cut. That doesn't mean I didn't open up to everyone who would listen but it just seemed like something was missing. Everyone was sympathetic and I am very grateful for every one out there who listened to me when I was at my worst. But I felt like no one truly understood me. Then one night, I read my patriarchal blessing, where I was reminded that I had a Friend who was waiting for me to talk to Him. I poured out my heart, with every feeling, concern and thought I had been having. And suddenly, a feeling of peace came over me. I felt calm. My Savior had heard my cries and really understood me.

In Ephesians 2:4-7, it reads, "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us. Even when we were dead hath quickened us together with Christ (by grave ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindess toward us through Christ Jesus"

I testified that I have felt God's kindness through Christ. There have been days where I've felt truly alone but through a quick and simple prayer, someone else has said something to me or been there for me when I need it.  There will be days to come where I will feel alone but I know that Christ is always by my side. I know that trials are for our own good. I know that Christ is my Savior and He died for my sins and felt every pain I have ever felt. I know that through the Atonement, I repent and be forgiven of my sins. I know that while life is challenging, our struggles for our own benefit and we can grow so much more than we thought possible.