In Light of Recent Events...

It's no question that the world is getting worse by the day. When looking at Facebook posts alone, people are unhappy with the government and terrible events keep happening that affect our country at large. Coincidently, my roommates and I were just talking last night about how wicked the world is getting and how we are worried to start families of our own and bring children into this world.
In light of recent events, I want to say that not all hope is lost!
Again, coincidently, I had my last New Testament class, where we finished the second half of the New Testament. So naturally, we ended in Revelations. It was probably one of the first time I read through the whole New Testament and got to Revelations. What a crazy section, talking about the future and deep doctrine. However one of the smallest end verses significantly affected me today...

Revelations 21:4&7 "And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." "[She] that overcometh shall inherit all things; and I will be [her] God and [she] shall be my [daughter.]" (Yes I changed that to fit me personally!)

These verses actually brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know about what happened in Boston until after class, so that's not why. But the fact that God will personally wipe away the tears from our eyes? That is powerfully. I've been through some hard times and I'm a girl...so I cry a lot. I can't imagine a supreme being wiping away the tears from my eyes.  Not to mention that the fact that there will be nothing bad in the world anymore! I can't wait for that day!

The second verse is amazing. All I need to do in this life is keep the commandments and believe in God and I will be His daughter. I already am but if I want to ensure that in the next life, I just need to overcome this mortal life. It's hard, not going to lie, with all the temptation and awful things in the world. But everything will turn out alright if we are faithful and keep believing.

Living in the World

In 1 John 2 verse 15, John writes, "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him."

This past weekend was a blessing in my life. For those of you not of my faith, it was the Latter-day Saint General Conference.  There are five sessions, each an hour long, where Latter-day prophets and apostles council us basically on how to be better people.  Some talks are more specific but most council us on how to live our faith and follow the commandments.

I was lucky enough to go to the conference center for the Saturday afternoon session and it was one of the best experiences in my life. I not only got to go, but I was in the very front! Off to the side a bit but still great!

See, but here's the thing. Every year, I listen to conference and it's always a great weekend.....and then I forget all about it. But what good is that? So I changed my approach this year.

In February, Elder Bednar came to our stake conference. And like every church meeting, everyone was taking copious notes. Elder Bednar asked us to stop and instead just write down impressions or feelings we received rather than every word he spoke. I took his advice and applied it to conference this year..

I wrote down impressions I received and I wrote down things that meant something to me. It was funny--when I've been discussing conferences with my friends or in classes, half the things that people mention I don't remember. But I do remember things that are very specific to me in my life right now.

Back to the scripture I mentioned.  I wrote down during the lecture in my New Testament class that "knowledge unapplied will only serve to condemn you." I know that I have things to do after this conference. Things I need to fix or changes I need to make. I know I received these promptings because there are specific to me in my life at this time. I don't know the outcome, only that they will make me a better person, strengthen my testimony, and prepare me for things to come. I love this gospel. It truly is one of hope and can change the hardest of hearts. With this gospel, it is possible to live in the world but not of the world. By listening to the prophets and apostles, I can be a faithful servant of God.

Rejoice! Be Happy! Love Life!

This post might be a little scattered today because I am extremely scattered. I've got 22 days till the end of this semester and ahhhhh, there's a lot to do.

I've been thinking a lot about life. I mean, I'm a college student, 19 years old, and trying to figure out my life. You can really take anything and apply it to your life and say "well, this gives my life meaning." I think that's what things like books, tv, movies, and music try to do. For instance, the song I'm listening to right now is "Who I am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K. What is that song saying? Basically that I'm a changed person and I don't want to be like who I've used to be. I love that song.

Anyway, I digress. I think that a major source that people find reason to life is religion. At least, that's me. I find lots of reason to keep going when life gets hard because of my religion. I've been in a New Testament class for the past year, and let me tell you- I have grown to love the New Testament. Being a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we believe the Bible to be the word of God, as well as the Book of Mormon. Now that I'm older and perhaps more knowledgable, I really gain a lot out of studying the New Testament.  We're just finished Paul's epistles, with Hebrews and are getting into Peter's.  I have never found so many verses that strengthen me or that I write "to read when going through a hard time." My goal of this post is to share some with you that will strengthen my faithful readers through whatever you're going through--a personal trial, finals, or fear.

Hebrews 10:32 "But call to remembrance the former days, in which, after ye were illuminated, ye endured a great fight of afflictions." -- Wow. There is not one among us who has not had a trial, being something small such as a failed test or something huge and long lasting, like a physical limitation. Each trial affects us in different ways and each are "equal" in pain. But, my brothers and sisters, be illuminated. If you endured it then, you can endure it now! Through what, you may say? Through however you did at the time of the trial! Whether it was simply saying "I can do this" or falling on your knees and pouring your soul out to a God who loves you. Paul goes on to say "cast not away therefore your confidence." Believe! My friends, there is so much we have to rejoice in!  Peace, this will be but a small moment. Keep going, keep believing.

Peter 1:6 "Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations." -- My professor took this verse and commented, "Life is tough--rejoice!" What? I know that when I go through a trial, I hardly rejoice. I normally complain, saying "Ouch this is hard! What did I do to deserve this? God, can you take this away from me?" But do I ever get an answer to that prayer? Hardly! If anything, I receive peace that I can continue this or I am led to a verse like this one. Life is hard. Trust me, I know. But at the same time, trials benefit you. It's SO hard to see that when it's happening to you. But afterwards, it's beautiful to look back and think, wow. I know why that happened. It's so I'm prepared for the future or because of this and that. Life is great.

Peter 4:12-13 "Behold, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers in Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." Finally, in light of the beautiful Easter Sunday we just had, rely on Christ and His atoning sacrifice. When it seems life gets too hard, remember that there is a God in Heaven who loves you and His Son sacrificed His perfect life so we can return to live with God again. Can you imagine the rejoicing on that great day, when our Heavenly Father welcomes us back into His arms? In that moment, you will have great joy, realizing that you passed, with the help of Christ.


I pray that when trials fall upon us, especially those college students who are beyond stressed with papers, group projects and finals, we will turn to the things that keep us going. Whether that is religion, or whatever helps you to keep going, remember to rejoice. Life is good!!

"All my songs shall be Nearer my God to Thee"

My heart is full of joy today. Sundays tend to do that to you, especially as you make time to reflect upon the recent week and to reflect on the things that really matter in life.

It's been an interesting year. I remember last semester, I was thinking "life is hard!" I was struggling with grades, relationships, and my own testimony.  There were days I just didn't feel like smiling and other days where I should have been happy, surrounding by people who love me but I just couldn't bring myself to smile. Then, being with my family over Christmas break, I realized that family is what really matters most. I was happy again...and didn't want to come back up to school where I felt alone and uneasy at being on my own.

Then, my life changed. In the matter of seconds, I had to be strong. I had to put on a smile. I had to look like I was okay. In the hospital and the moments before being admitted to the ER, I was scared. I know I went into shock so I wasn't thinking logically nor being strong. But a trip to the ER can do a lot for you. It was a long one too. I was in the back of that ambulance, tied to the board, for at least 30 minutes, maybe longer. I did a lot of thinking there. I was tired but my mind was awake. A lot of soul searching. Prayers. And in the days to come, I began to believe that this was suppose to happen to me.

I got a blessing that night in the hotel. The few things I do remember I hold onto every day.
1. You will make a full recovery.
2. Your schoolwork will not be affected.
3. Rely on Christ to help you.

That last one got to me. At this point in my life, I had felt alone for too many days and nights. I needed someone by my side and sadly, my friends in this mortal life weren't making the cut. That doesn't mean I didn't open up to everyone who would listen but it just seemed like something was missing. Everyone was sympathetic and I am very grateful for every one out there who listened to me when I was at my worst. But I felt like no one truly understood me. Then one night, I read my patriarchal blessing, where I was reminded that I had a Friend who was waiting for me to talk to Him. I poured out my heart, with every feeling, concern and thought I had been having. And suddenly, a feeling of peace came over me. I felt calm. My Savior had heard my cries and really understood me.

In Ephesians 2:4-7, it reads, "But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us. Even when we were dead hath quickened us together with Christ (by grave ye are saved;) And hath raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. That in the ages to come he might shew the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindess toward us through Christ Jesus"

I testified that I have felt God's kindness through Christ. There have been days where I've felt truly alone but through a quick and simple prayer, someone else has said something to me or been there for me when I need it.  There will be days to come where I will feel alone but I know that Christ is always by my side. I know that trials are for our own good. I know that Christ is my Savior and He died for my sins and felt every pain I have ever felt. I know that through the Atonement, I repent and be forgiven of my sins. I know that while life is challenging, our struggles for our own benefit and we can grow so much more than we thought possible.

Shipwrecked

If you're a regular on my blog or someone who stalks my Facebook or has recently talked to me in the last two months, you know what I've been going through. I'm sure that some of you would assume I'd be done talking about this trial, that I would have shut it out of my mind because of the physical, emotional, and mental scars. But that's not how I heal.

I'm learning something new each day, which is a relief, because I believe that trials are for our benefit. This week especially I've learned and been reassured that God lives, loves me, and looks out for me.

In Acts 27, Paul discourages his friends from leaving on a journey to Rome because he knows a storm is coming. I won't say I felt discouraged to go to Colorado but I think that the whole time I felt uneasy. It's been hard admitting this to myself because I feel like I ignored a prompting, which brings me guilt. I mean, the Thursday we left was the one day that Utah had freezing rain. If we were smart, we would have stayed back. However, I believe God is teaching me. Well, like me, Paul's group didn't listen to Paul and went on with their trip. Shortly after, the storms started and the people feared for their life. Like me, I didn't listen and I ended up fearing. I was fearful that a.) I was permanently injured b.) I was being punished and c.) that my life would be forever changed for the worst. Luckily for the people on the ship, Paul promised that all would be saved...except the ship.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I recently went to the chiropractor and received a 14 page packet full of everything that is wrong with me. I began to fear again as I got to page 12 and kept seeing words like "strain" "sprain" "trauma" and "defect." But as I got to page 14, tears filled my eyes as I read "the patient is expected to make a full recovery eithout long lasting effects."

Applying Paul's story to my life, fear is my ship. My fear will break me, if I let it get the best of me. However, if I trust in God and have faith that I will heal, my fear will become like the ship and will not continue through this trial. When fear is around, God cannot be present. When fear begins to overcome, get on your knees and pray for strength.


As Elder Henry B. Eyring said in the April 2012 General Conference Talk "Mountains to Climb" (I STRONGLY recommend this talk to anyone going through a trial), "I cannot promise an end to your adversity in this life. I cannot assure you that your trials will seem to you to be only for a moment. One of the characteristics of trials in life is that they seem to make clocks slow down and then appear almost to stop. There are reasons for that. Knowing those reasons may not give much comfort, but it can give you a feeling of patience." I testify that this is so true. I'm learning patience everyday. I also know that God has not left my side through this trial.  Just the other day, I was filled with peace as my small pray to be in a good group for a SOC class was answered. I am so grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ and I know it's true. 

Trial = Test = Experience

It's been exactly 33 days since the car accident. I'm happy to say...that I have improved more than I ever thought possible. What a rough ride...literally. But, seeing as I feel a lot better, it's easier to see what has happened and why it's happen.

At the chiropractor this week, I started physical therapy and today, I had my first "test" on one of the machines. It's this weird weight machine where I push back with my back and neck. It tested my movement at 7 different angles.  On Monday, I'll get to do a test on the other machine that just focuses on my neck. The test was HARD. I was pushing as hard as I could (it doesn't move...) and the PT guy kept yelling at me to push. It hurt like crazy but when I was done, I felt really accomplished. I was told that we'll do the next one on Monday and go over my results. I was sitting there, thinking about it. Thinking about the "test" and this test of a life...I then realized that in New Testament this week, we were talking about tribulation.  My professor Brother Griffin asked the class if anyone was going through a really hard trial. No one answered, except someone said midterms but I was thinking...heck yes I am! He went on to draw this diagram on the board.

I really like that diagram. It just made complete sense to me. I'm being tested during this trial and I have two options.  I can be patient and believing that I will get healed and that will lead me to experience and ultimately hope in Christ. If I decide to be impatient, it will ultimately lead me to fear and despair. I can testify that I know this is true.  The days and especially the nights when I feel alone and impatient to be healed, I fear and think that this will be a trial I'll have for the rest of my life.  However, when I take the time to realize that this is test and I will be healed, I feel so much more positive and ready to take this challenge to the next level.
Even though I wish this test had never happened, I am grateful to be learning so much. I'm learning more about myself than I ever thought possible. I'm learning that Heavenly Father is mindful of me and my trials. I know He answers prayers and I know that He wants what's best for me.

I Stand All Amazed

"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me. Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me...
Oh it is wonderful that He should care for me enough to die for me. Oh it is wonderful to me."

I am brought to tears when I reflect on these lyrics to my favorite hymn. I am truly humbled today when reflecting on my life and past experiences.

I no longer believe in coincidences. I don't think I ever did but I now believe that there is a purpose in everything that happens to us. Something as simple as a class you find yourself taking or something as huge as a trial you're going through. I never looked at my life as a thing left to chance but I have a strong belief that things happen for a reason.

I stand all amazed at the love I have felt from my earthly family and friends as well as my Heavenly Father. I stand all amazed at the healing power of the Atonement. The power is real and personal to me. Through this past month, I have strengthening my relationship with God and Christ through prayer. I have stood amazed at the overwhelming feelings of love and comfort I have received through the hard days when I feel like giving up or when I feel like no one understands. I stand amazed that I can stand and move about, even though I am still limited in movement. I stand amazed at the modern technology and the doctors I have been led to who will help me return back to full health. I stand amazed at those who have reached out to me, for those who willingly wake up early to get me to appointments or school and those who drop everything to strengthened me up when I am at my weakest.

I stand amazed as I receive promptings to help me through this time. It was not a coincident that the first New Testament class I went to we sang "I Need Thee Every Hour."  I stand amazed that simply flipping through an Ensign magazine can lead me to an article that is exactly what I need to hear.  Similarly, in my New Testament class this past week, we talked about 2nd Corinthians  My professor explained that in Biblical literature, this is referred to as the "greatest exchange epistle," meaning that Christ and God exchange the bad that we have for the good they can give.  The first chapter spoke to me personally.  Verse 4 reads "Who comforteth us in all our ^atribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the ^bcomfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God."  This means that God will not take away your problems all at once...but He will bring my comfort.  I stand all amazed at the comfort He brings me.  When I am at my lowest, He brings overwhelming feelings of love and peace if I simply remember that He is there.  In addition, a main reason God does not take away trials is so you can help others.  I can be a tool for God to work through and be there for other people when they have trials.  I stand all amazed at all  those who have been with me through this time in my life. I do not deserve such wonderful friends and family members. I stand amazed that God would trust me enough to be an instrument in His hands. I stand amazed that there is a reason for this trial in my life and that He willingly stands, waiting to help me. 

Most of all, I stand all amazed that Christ willingly have His life for me, a sinner who is overwhelmed with the love that He offers me. I know that I am never alone and that in those dark times Christ is standing at the door ready for us to lean on Him.

Christ is Charity

It’s been another long week. I keep saying that, don’t I? “Life is hard, but I can do hard things” is my new motto, thanks to one of my professors, because recovering has honestly been one of the hardest moments of my life. Even as I type this on this shuttle to Vegas, I still flinch or tense up every time it feels like the van is going to break down…even though it’s just the bumpy road. The mental consequences from the accident weren’t too severe but were just enough to cause me to lose sleep a couple of nights in a row.  But the physical consequences…I still can’t believe what’s happened.

Having WIFI on a shuttle is the coolest thing ever

I feel SO blessed that my friends and family suggested that I go to a chiropractor. I feel even more blessed that I have friends and visiting teachers that willing drive me every M/W/F, at 9 am!  It’s been ROUGH. At every appointment so far, I’ve gone in for a 30-minute massage and I’m sure that sounds wonderful.  And, sure, some days it is and other days, it hurts like heck.  I lie there and am told to relax while someone beats up my spine and neck…I mean massages “gently.” There’s three different girls in the office and based off who I’m with pretty much decides my mood for the rest of the day.  After my massage (or before, depending on the day), I go see the doctor, who “taps” my neck, back, and tailbone into place, with a clicker machine and then he cracks my neck and pushes my hips back into place. It’s lots of fun…okay really it’s not.  I normally leave sorer and in more pain than before and I end up really discouraged—at least on the bad days.  The day after I feel fine but it takes 24 hours until that point. 

Anyway, recently I’ve been thinking a lot about why this happened to me and I finally learned for myself.  I’m not going to share that over the internet because it’s sorta personal (come talk to me if you want though, and I’ll tell you).  But I do want to talk about something I learned in New Testament class this week.

In class, we’ve been studying Paul and his epistles and this week, we were studying the last half of first Corinthians.  We got to Corinthians 13, which is all about charity.  In my lifetime in the church, anytime someone mentions charity, the definition that comes to my mind is “the pure love of Christ.” Now that’s a great place to start but it never got much deeper than that.  My professor, Brother Griffin, didn’t disappoint me.  We started talking about how Christ is charity, so if you replace that verse with Christ, it reads “Christ suffereth long and is kind…”  He asked us for examples of when Christ exemplified these attributes.  A class member answered and explained that when Christ came out of the garden, Judas betrayed Him. Peter, being so angry, cut off one soldier’s ear.  And Christ simply healed the ear.  The point that was so powerful to me is that Christ didn’t say anything about His pain and suffering He had just gone through in the Garden.  He didn’t say, “You don’t know what pain is.”  He simply healed the soldier’s ear. 

See, I think too often you and I are quick to assume that others don’t know what we’re going through.  I mean, how many of you reading this have had your spine and neck off alignment? My guess is probably not. And recently, I get frustrated when people don't seem to realize that I'm still hurting pretty bad. See, the human tendency is to go through suffering and be hardened, saying things like you don’t know what I’m going through.  Instead, we need to go through suffering and come out Christlike.  Christ has felt every pain we’ve ever felt and He does know what we’re going through.  Now, it is no easy task to be Christlike when trials arise.  Every day I struggle with discouragement and pain.  However, I know that through Christ, I will be healed, physically AND mentally.  Through these chiropractor appointments, faith and prayers, I will be healed.  This definitely isn’t easy and it’s far from being over, but I know that if I take charity and apply it to my life and situations, that I will have continued faith and overcome this trial.

"Peace Be Unto Thy Soul"

I have literally had one of the hardest weeks of my life.

Without going into much detail, I have had my share of low moments. The little day to day things that I can't do annoy me and frustrate me. I've cried a lot in the past week and prayed harder than any other time in my life. 

Today, at one point in the day, I felt completely discouraged. School has got me stressed to no other and my body gets tired after an hour of class. I finally googled "LDS quotes about discouragement" and this is what I found: 

"Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain." ~Elder Richard G. Scott"

Wow. Elder Scott captured what I've been feeling perfectly. 

Side story: this Christmas, I got an iTouch and am enjoying life with all the apps. I downloaded two journal like apps before the new year. One of them is my daily gratitude journal. I wanted to think of one or two things I'm thankful for each day to have when I'm down. The other app I got is called "My Wonderful Days" in which you rate your day from an angry face to an extremely happy face, and you can type up anything you want. When I made the pact to write daily, I thought to myself that I could use these journals as a daily reflection to see the good in life. And at the start of the semester, everything seemed to be going great! School was good, my friends were good, conflicts were resolved and I was on top of the world. My journal entries were positive and full of happiness.

A week ago, the journal entries changed. I've rarely put up a smiley face on my daily life app. I'm faced with one of the hardest trials of my life: recovery. Not being able to stand for more than 15 minutes without getting exhausted. Not being able to walk far or go up more than one flight of stairs. Not being able to sleep because I can't breathe. Not being able to stay sleep because the dreams happen. 

Through this past week, I've tried so hard to stay positive. But the natural man gets the best of me and I say, "Why me?" "What did I do wrong?" "Why was I the only one hurt?" When I came along this quote today, my eyes filled with tears. 

I am not alone. God is mindful of me and my circumstances. Through Him, I will be made whole again. He is refining me. I don't know why, but there is a purpose in all of this. And even though that is so hard to see the reason why this happened to me, I have faith that I can make it through this hard time.  I might not be strong every single second of the day but I have good moments when I can smile and be grateful for all I have. For my friends who make me smile or listen to me complain. For my parents who listen with care. For my dad who has hear me cry on the phone more this past week than ever before. For my visiting teachers, roommates, and fellow ward members who give me rides. For all the Facebook posts, texts, phone calls, and letters I've received with well wishes, prayers, and concern. 

I know I will get better. I believe that this trial will be but a small moment. And I believe that God is nearby, helping me and strengthening me. 

An Unexpected Turn of Events

Day After the Accident

You know, it's crazy how short life is. I don't want to sound morbid or anything but it's true. In a flash, everything you thought you knew can change.

That's not exactly what happened to me but it's pretty close. For those of you who don't know, I was involved in a car crash on Sunday while traveling back home from a weekend in Colorado. The car slipped on some ice, rolled twice and miraculously we landed right side up on the side of the road (or the middle of the divided highway).

In that moment, a lot rushed through my mind...or at least I think so. I know I went into shock and all I could hear was my friend going, "Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

My other friend immediately went into action mode, assisting me and making sure I was alright. I was just trying to catch my breath and gather what had just happened. It had just happened so quickly. One second I was sitting there, texting one of my roommates and the next, we were off the side of the road.
The thoughts that went through my mind were:

"Am I okay?"
"What hurts?"
"And why did this happen?"

The first question I could answer after I calmed down-we were all alive and spared by nothing short of a miracle. I started to breathe a little deeper and my friend moved closer to me, to pull glass out of my hair and make sure I wasn't bleeding too badly. The cars that had stopped behind us started throwing coats and blankets on us, as we were stuck in the backseat and the wind was blowing super hard and it was 20 degrees in the middle of Wyoming.

Exploring Castlewood Canyon

The second question I started to answer as I calmed myself down. My back hurt. Immediately, thoughts went through my mind of "Will I be able to walk?" "How will I move?" "How in the WORLD will I get up those flights of stairs at BYU campus?" and "What will this mean for my future?"

As the police officer showed up, he informed me that an ambulance had been called. I freaked out. I had never been in an ambulance, or the ER, or been injured bad enough to go to either. That's when I knew I needed to contact my parents, who were in the middle of church. I didn't realize this and I was worried when no one answered. My friend called my little sister, who happened to be texting during YWs. Through her, we were able to contact my parents, who were prepared to come up to WY if I was in poor condition.

It seemed to take forever for the ambulance to arrive...I was just so cold. A little bit of comic relief-the two friends who were in the front seats started walking around, trying to find anything outside the car. My iTouch was found, which is only a month old, and although the screen protector was scratched, the thing still worked! My friend announced to me my luck and at the time, I didn't care at all!!! Haha, but alas, the only apple product to survive a car crash is mine. :)

Icy Waterfall

The paramedics arrived and went to work. I was put in a neck brace and they brought the board into the backseat of the car. I was strapped in and brought to the back of ambulance. I just remember being so cold, as I didn't have a jacket nor shoes on. They put me in the ambulance and re-strapped me in. They took my blood pressure many times, checked to see where I was hurting and put me on oxygen. I tried to make the nurses laugh and continually apologized for not having shoes, being at BYU (they were WY fans) and a few other things.

The ride took forever. My head hurt. I just wanted to be able to move. But I understood that I could seriously injure myself more if I did, so I stayed put (not like I could move anywhere...).

We finally arrived. I could see my friend. I was tired of staring at the ceiling but I could see him out of the corner of my eye, which brought me comfort. I was not alone. I was taken to my "room" and the doctor came in and started checking me out. I began to be more calm, knowing I was in the hands of professionals.

I was told I would need x-rays. Then came more comic relief, as the doctor asked me if I was pregnant.

Tunnel Picture!

"Definitely not."
"Well, we might have to make you take a pregnancy test, because if you are, you have a right to know."
"Doctor, I'm Mormon. I'm definitely not pregnant."
He walked out and my friend walked back in. I had a smile on my face. He asked why I was smiling and I said "I have to take a pregnancy test because 'I have the right to know.'"

Then I had to give blood. Yuck. My friend was smiling and I was dying as they took it. Afterwards, I rolled over and looked at him, announcing that I had finally given blood in his presence, so he can stop asking me to donate with him. I don't do well with needles. :P

After a lot of waiting, I was taken to get x-rays (I didn't have to take a pregnancy test, if you're curious).
After more waiting and visiting with my other friends, the doctor finally came in and said nothing was broken. I was relieved beyond belief and considered myself very lucky.

We stayed in a hotel room overnight and I don't think any of us got a lot of sleep. We continued our trip back to Provo and arrived safely, in one piece.

Over the past few days, I have been humbled and touched by the outpour of people willing to help me, from those in my ward, from those at home, from those I barely know and from those who are my close friends. I have felt oh so discouraged when I can't even move without help, let alone dress myself or wash my hair. I feel so blessed to have a nurse in training, Miss Shelby Patterson, as my roommate and Katie, who is willing to wait on me hand and foot even when she feels sick. I'm grateful that Cortney was able to take me to my classes today, carrying my backpack and being my "mule" as he said to one friend we passed by. I'm grateful for the members of my ward, who have offered their cars to drive me to and from campus. I'm grateful for my visiting teachers, who visited me, brought me food, and have offered their services in whatever way they can.

That night of the accident, I received a blessing that told me that I would get through this and return to my full strength.  But after attending three classes today, I feel exhausted and frustrated. I want to be able to walk on my own, to make myself dinner, to carry a backpack or just poor the milk in my cereal. I want not to be labeled by this accident and have these worried looks.

So now to question three. Why did this happen?

I still don't know. I don't believe I will fully know. Maybe only time can tell. But I know that I will learn something from this; whether it's to trust in my Heavenly Father or to let those around me help me even when I wish I could be fully independent. Maybe it's to learn that bad things happen to good people.


Today, while feeling very discouraged and down on myself, I opened up a notebook and found three things my professor told us at the beginning of the semester. He said if you can only remember three things from my class, remember this:

1. Life is hard! But, you can do hard things.
2. When things don't go as planned, don't get frustrated. Make the best of it!
3. T.T.T. = Things Take Time

Tonight, I'm grateful for inspired professors, who care deeply about their students. I know that what has happened to me is hard but I can make it through and that I will heal completely, both mentally and physically. Clearly this accident was never part of my plan but I am blessed with people around me. I know people back home are praying for me and I know people around me in Provo are willing to help me through this tough time. I am so grateful for them, I don't think I can ever let you know. I know that healing will take time. And most of all, I know life is hard. But, I know I can do hard things.


(I included pictures from my trip to Colorado, because, besides being in an accident, it was a great trip:)

Trials of Faith

My heart is full this Sabbath day.  I love Sundays. I must admit that I do not like having late church, but Sundays always seem to make me smile more.  And on this Sunday, I want to reflect on what I’ve been taught this week in school.

This week in my New Testament class we talked a lot about trials of our faith.  My professor emphasized that we need to change ourselves to conform to what God wants.  He used the example of marriage.  A lot of time in marriage, one partner will pick out things they don’t think about their spouse and will say that they need to change.  However, this normally makes the marriage end in divorce.  Instead, we need to think what do I need to do to change?  This is a good lesson not only for marriage but also for life.  All too often we point out the flaws of those around us, something like I can’t stand when she talks like that or he is so rude and doesn’t know how to act around people.  Instead of focusing on things we don’t like, we should focus on ourselves, because each of us are flawed human beings and no one is perfect.

In addition, my professor also emphasized trials of faith.  In Acts chapter 7, Stephen recounts Old Testament examples of trials of faith, including Abraham, Joseph in Egypt and Moses.  In each story, each character passes his own trial of faith.  But what really got me thinking is that each of us doesn’t have huge trials of faith.  For instance, I won’t have to physically sacrifice my son on an alter nor will I be called to lead my people through the Red Sea.  But how is “my story” different from “history?”  The only difference is the nature of the trials.  Instead of having these huge trials, I merely have human trials, something has simple as not passing a test or not feeling good enough or being sick.  How did these prophets stay faithful? They changed themselves for good so the Lord could work through them.  How did these prophets continue on when the going got rough? They prayed and had faith that this too shall pass.  Too often we think that we can get through things by ourselves.  I think we are prideful in the fact that we believe we don’t need others to help and instead we can rise up on our own or just prepare for the next test of our faith on our own.  Why not rely on our Father in Heaven? He has given us so much and He stands there, waiting for us to rely on Him.  I also believe that we know how to change.  We already know what we’re doing wrong or not doing enough of.  A quote from Boyd K. Packer says “people don’t change because of things they see or hear.  They change because of things they feel.”  Through the Holy Spirit, we can know of how to change and what we need to do to be better.  

I challenge those who actually read my blog to move forward with faith! I am far from perfect but I know that each week I learn new ways to help others and change myself to the person I want to be. I know life is hard but if we pray to God and rely on Him, we will receive the strength to carry on! I love this gospel and I love being at BYU with religion classes. I'm so grateful for all the people in my life who care about me and want to see me succeed. I know I'm a child of God and that I will return to live with Him one day, as long as I follow and keep the commandants. Keep the faith!

An Amazing First Day Back

After a refreshing and much needed few weeks at home, I find myself back in my apartment in cold, snowy, and icy Utah. I had an amazing first day of school. I am currently enrolled in University Chorale and I think that was probably the best decision of my life.  I've missed singing so much, since I've been singing in choirs since 7th grade.  Within the first few minutes, I was getting chills and just so excited to be there! And then, we started singing "In Humility, Our Savior." What other school could you sing hymns to work on vocal technique!?

But more importantly, I had a great experience with the first day of my religion class. I'm currently taking second half of the New Testament with Prof. Griffin. I took the first half of Book of Mormon from him and the impressions I received from his class is the reason I changed my life around, as I was not the person I wanted to be that first BYU semester.

Anyway, today in class, towards the last few minutes, he directed us to Acts, chapter one. In chapter one, Christ is about to end his 40 day ministry after being resurrected, and his apostles ask him one last question.  The question is about temporal matters, mainly when will the kingdom be restored to Israel? Christ answers, in verse 7, "It is not for you to know the times or seasons, which the Father hath put in his own power." My professor then said to "liken all scriptures unto ourselves," because all scriptures can be to our learning, even a 19 year old girl at BYU.  I thought about this for a second and realized the spiritual importance of this scripture to me at this time.

At this time, I am a sophomore in college.  I am just getting into my major of choice, sociology and I've been worrying constantly that maybe this isn't the major for me.  I've had problems last semester that haunted me and I've been worried that they will reoccur this semester as well.  My future seems very uncertain, which worries me even more and at times, I wish I could see what my life has in store for me.  But, when taking this scripture and applying it to my 19 year old life, I realized that my Father in Heaven knows me personally, knows my weakness and flaws, and knows what my life will bring me.  At this time in my life, I need to trust and act in faith that I am leading my life in the way my Heavenly Father would want.  I need to trust my Heavenly Father and prepare for the trials that I know are up ahead this semester. And I need to have faith that, even though I don't know why, I'm suppose to stay for spring semester.

After reflecting on this scripture, I got a reaffirming feeling that this is where I'm suppose to be right now, at BYU.  I am leading my life in a way that is pleasing to my Father in Heaven and even though I'm impatient to see what the future has in store for me, I can act on faith and trust that everything will work out in the way it's suppose to, if I keep the commandments and listen to promptings I receive.

I am so excited for this semester and what it has in store for me. Life is exciting and "I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friends!"